Friday, June 18, 2010

Lost at Home

Hi everybody. My name is Keren and I have written a story about losing my baby sister Uliea. My goals are to use dialogue and punctuate it correctly, write complex sentences and use the correct tense in my writing. How do you think I did?

The Disappearance of Uliea

Oh no!, I have a feeling mum's going to ask me to babysit my little sister ,Uliea.

"Uh good morning Keren, is it all right if you babysit your little sister Uliea while I go up the road? "

Noooo! This is a nightmare! Uliea is very fast and sometimes runs away from me.

"Come on Uliea let's go outside and play a bit of cricket."

I turned around for a split second and she disappeared. I started to panic and ran up and down the road knocking on people's doors, but I accidentally missed one house because I thought I saw her but it was a cat. So then I went back and knocked on the person's door that I missed. A lady answered the door.

"Hello dear are you lost? My name is Barell"

" No. My little sister is lost. Her name is Uliea"

Then I saw Uliea. She was in Barrell's house. Thank goodness Uliea was safe.
"Thank you" I said gratefully.

Anyway mum never knew anything about this. I was lucky I didn't get BUSTED!
By Keren


SarahMTai said...

Hi Keren! I love your title of your story, it really captures the whole theme of being lost and your ending is terrific. Great work!

From Ms Tai

Renee :) said...

Hi Keren,

Your punctuation is good, and your sentences are complex and interesting, well done. You do change tense in your story - you start out in present tense, then change to past tense, so maybe you can work some more on this in your next story.

It's a great story, good use of tension, and I agree with Ms Tai that it's a great title.

Well done :)