Hi. I'm Tatiana. I'm in year 6. I hope you enjoy my narrative about being lost. My goals are to use dialogue and punctuate it correctly, use interesting verbs instead of 'said' and to entertain my audience.
LOST AT THE CONCERT!!!
"Come on," I thought to myself," hurry up."
I was waiting in line outside the Vector Arena with my uncle Tonga and my brother Jeremiah.
"We have been standing out here for ages Uncle Tonga! " I shouted.
Finally the gates opened. We paid for our tickets then rushed inside. My uncle, brother and I were so relieved when we found out we had the front seats. All the lights went off except for the green and purple stage lights. It was so dark, but I was lucky because my green outfit glowed. Suddenly a girl dressed in an awkward looking costume came up on stage. I knew who it was.
"Its LADY GAGA!!!", I screamed.
The crowd was screaming like they were crazy. The first song she sang was called 'Just Dance'. Her songs didn't sound quite as good as they do on television, but they still sounded great.
After a while I was getting hungry so my uncle Tonga told my 11 year old brother, Jeremiah, to take me to get something to eat. My brother took me to get popcorn. After we got the popcorn we headed back to my uncle. I really struggled trying to keep behind him because there was heaps of people walking around.
Then I realised I was .......lost. I walked everywhere trying to find my brother. I was panicking so much that I started to cry. While I was crying, a lady dressed like she worked there came up to me and asked,
"Are you OK?."
"No," I said "I'm lost and I don't know where my uncle is".
She felt very sorry for me, so she took me back to the place where I got my popcorn. She said that I should wait here just in case my brother or uncle came to look for me. It was almost an hour and nobody had showed up to claim me.
Suddenly I saw someone in a Bob Marley shirt with black tight jeans heading towards me. Then I knew who it was. "UNCLE!!!", I yelled.
I ran like speeding lightning to him.
From then on I stuck like glue to my uncle and brother so I wouldn't get lost ever ...again.
From Tatiana
I was waiting in line outside the Vector Arena with my uncle Tonga and my brother Jeremiah.
"We have been standing out here for ages Uncle Tonga! " I shouted.
Finally the gates opened. We paid for our tickets then rushed inside. My uncle, brother and I were so relieved when we found out we had the front seats. All the lights went off except for the green and purple stage lights. It was so dark, but I was lucky because my green outfit glowed. Suddenly a girl dressed in an awkward looking costume came up on stage. I knew who it was.
"Its LADY GAGA!!!", I screamed.
The crowd was screaming like they were crazy. The first song she sang was called 'Just Dance'. Her songs didn't sound quite as good as they do on television, but they still sounded great.
After a while I was getting hungry so my uncle Tonga told my 11 year old brother, Jeremiah, to take me to get something to eat. My brother took me to get popcorn. After we got the popcorn we headed back to my uncle. I really struggled trying to keep behind him because there was heaps of people walking around.
Then I realised I was .......lost. I walked everywhere trying to find my brother. I was panicking so much that I started to cry. While I was crying, a lady dressed like she worked there came up to me and asked,
"Are you OK?."
"No," I said "I'm lost and I don't know where my uncle is".
She felt very sorry for me, so she took me back to the place where I got my popcorn. She said that I should wait here just in case my brother or uncle came to look for me. It was almost an hour and nobody had showed up to claim me.
Suddenly I saw someone in a Bob Marley shirt with black tight jeans heading towards me. Then I knew who it was. "UNCLE!!!", I yelled.
I ran like speeding lightning to him.
From then on I stuck like glue to my uncle and brother so I wouldn't get lost ever ...again.
From Tatiana
2 comments:
Wow Tatiana, I love your story. You use very good descriptions and I'd love to see your green glowing outfit. My favourite part was when you ran 'like speeding lightning' to your uncle, that is a great simile :)
I think you have achieved all your goals for this piece, well done!
HI Tatiana I really like your story about your concert.was it fun?
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